what does it mean when a woman says to a man what do you want with an attitude
Have you ever wondered what makes a man desire to ally a item woman? Is it about timing? Sexual activity? Money? In her new book, "Why Men Marry Bitches: A Woman'southward Guide to Winning Her Man's Heart," Sherry Argov shows women how to transform a casual human relationship into a committed one.
She explains that beingness overnice to your human won't make him more devoted. In her interviews with men, Argov constitute that men desire to commit to women who exude confidence and are in control of their lives. Here's an excerpt.
Chapter One
Throwing Out the Rulebook. Why a Strong Woman Wins His Heart
Allow us now set forth ane of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. Neb Cosby
Society's Guidelines for Good Girls
Imagine a world in which roles were reversed and men cooked for women, picked up socks, and couldn't wait to go married. Pretend you had a boyfriend who owned a hope chest with six lavander bow ties inside that he wanted his groomsmen to habiliment at the hymeneals. Picture him getting high-strung up every time you strolled by a Babe Gap. And that he greeted you lot at the door wearing silk boxers and cowboy boots, so he could do a pole dance for y'all. And so add a few ultimatums: "Where's my ring?" "Why won't you marry me?"
Every bit scary equally it sounds, this is precisely the approach women are taught on how to catch a husband. It's the plight of every "nice girl" who puts everyone else first, puts her own needs last, and doesn't think she is worthy of touching the hemline of her man'due south pants.
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When I polled men, they all said confident women are in very brusque supply. And that a confident adult female is what they notice sexiest. Is it any wonder that confident women are hard to come by? Wait around.
The average fashion magazine tells women to deed like a servant, as if dating were a labor-intensive, blue-collar-job application: "Tin you serve a common cold beer in trashy lingerie? Do you leave razor-precipitous creases in his shirts like employee-of-the-month at the Jolly Roger motel? Do y'all wear cellophane for him? Are you gardening in stilettos? Are you giving it upwards doggie-way? If and then, he'll drib to one knee joint and propose..."
What women are learning from all of this is how to behave desperately. When her attitude is "Pick me! Selection me!" she hits the impale switch on his desire. Information technology's homo nature. You'd be just as turned off past a guy who brought ii dozen roses to a first java engagement and told you he felt like the luckiest SOB on the planet in the first 5 minutes.
Information technology's homo nature. Telling a woman to work harder to please is like telling a lilliputian kid to walk up to a schoolyard keen on the first day of schoolhouse and say, "Here, have my lunch money. And yous tin take my cupcakes also. I'll even throw in my lunchbox since you don't have one." Or, in a dating situation, "Hither, take my body. And I made you a cake. Please be squeamish. Delight marry me. I'll fifty-fifty jack my barrel up nice and high similar they do in yoga. It's so comfortable being upside down. Actually. I just honey information technology!"
Just because a homo sleeps with y'all doesn't mean he'southward thinking near the future. For him to think about forever, there has to exist something he respects within you. Like a strong wit... and a strong mind.
Relationship Principle i
In romance, there's nothing more attractive to a man than a woman who has dignity and pride in who she is. In improver, yous take to know your own mind. The more you focus on elevating yourself, the more than he will work to be at the acme of your priority list. He considers you a long-term prospect when yous've added the key ingredient: respect. And respect is the glue that holds everything together.
Kara is a perfect example of why smart, confident women come out on top. Very early on, her fiancé tried to requite her his 2 cents on how she should dress. She was leaving for a meeting, and he told her to article of clothing a clothes instead of the pantsuit she had on. Then he told her she was wearing likewise much makeup. What the squeamish daughter would have done is run out and buy a new wardrobe. But Kara playfully put him in check: "Listen here, Versace. This outfit has always been fine. And I haven't had any complaints most the makeup either. Only if you'd like, I'll let you know when I'm wearing this in accelerate. That mode, if you don't want to see me in it, yous don't have to come over."
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In club to be looked at differently, you lot have to think differently. He has to see that you call your own shots and that you don't demand input from anyone well-nigh how to put your socks on. This says, "I am secure." The biggest attraction killer is neediness and insecurity. The bitch doesn't audition or try to exist the "best in evidence." Instead of "where's my ring" or "why won't you marry me," she'due south thinking: "What'south the advantage of having this guy around?" "How do I feel about myself after I've been in his company?" "What's in information technology for me?"
And then a funny thing happens: He falls all over himself to be with her.
Kim Basinger said something interesting: "I don't have time to be classified every bit difficult, and I don't take time to care." Men tend to feel at ease with a woman who doesn't intendance then much considering and then he doesn't have to be fully responsible for someone else's happiness. When a man sees you are happy with him simply y'all can be just every bit happy having nothing to do with him, that'south when he won't want to leave your side. When you are happy, you lot are sexy.
Non only this, bitches take more fun. My friend Angela had a date with a guy on a Friday and they went out for Chinese food. They tried several dishes and had enough of leftovers, so Angela took home all the doggie bags. The post-obit evening, she had a engagement with a different guy and decided to be the "hostess with the mostest." She reheated the Chinese leftovers, "reorganized" a medley on a pretty plate, and served information technology to her guest of honor. The fortune cookie said: "The catered din-din was a smashing success."
Of form, I would never recommend that you choose such a quick and piece of cake meal over three hours of sweating and slaving in the kitchen. Nevertheless, I would be remiss if I did not include this one expert gourmet cooking tip: Don't keep the parsley. (If it gets soggy in the microwave information technology will be a dead giveaway every time.)
Observe what Kara and Angela had in mutual: Neither one of them felt the demand to overcompensate. This earned the human'southward respect. Why? Information technology was expected that they knock themselves out considering the rulebook says women are supposed to. When they refused, a light bulb went off over his head. The message "I am worth something" is what turns him into a believer.
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In a music-aqueduct documentary, Tim McGraw said something very intriguing about his wife, Faith Hill: "She'due south a straight shooter, that'south for sure. She doesn't take any sh*t from anybody." He didn't cull to annotate on her talent, success, beauty, fame, or whatsoever of the other things society celebrates. Instead, he commented on the attribute men respect most: a courage. Do you recollect he'south proud that his wife doesn't have B.S. lying down? I'd bet that he is.
Relationship Principle 2
He marries the adult female who won't lay downward like linoleum. This brings us to the definition of a marrying bowwow — aka a strong, spirited adult female who tin can stand up for herself. The bitch is not rude or abrasive because she'southward smart plenty to know that beingness considerate is more effective. Just she won't compromise herself to be in a relationship. She won't work overtime to "catch a husband." Because of this, he doesn't classify her as a mindless woman he can take advantage of. She has a certain moxie about her. Carbohydrate and spice ... and not always and so nice — that's what his dreams are fabricated of.
Since many "overnice" women mistakenly believe that being a potent adult female (aka a bitch) is a bad thing, let'southward explore some of the criteria of the and then-called eligible woman. Then nosotros'll observe out from men what they actually think well-nigh women who behave this way.
Myth 1: You Have to Be Perfect
Recall about the concluding fourth dimension you were madly in love. Chances are, the guy wasn't a millionaire or a brain surgeon with six-pack abs who was hung like a barnyard animal on Viagra. Chances are, he didn't get you off 5 times before he got his. But there was something special near him. He had a couple of features that did it for you and a sure magic that fabricated you tingle. Men who want to fit in a relationship are looking for that same magic.
Relationship Principle 3
He doesn't marry a adult female who is perfect. He marries the adult female who is interesting. This is one of the biggest myths perpetuated by the media: If you lot are perfect, beautiful, and rich, you lot will go the respect and love you crave. So they say. (And at present back to reality.) When a man meets a woman who seems besides perfect, also sugariness, or too agreeable, he tends to get bored very chop-chop.
Beauty pageants are a good example of how women are misled into thinking that the most important pursuits in life are dazzler tips and "homo catching" skills. Granted, they offer educational grants and scholarships, which is very ironic considering the simply men watching are the ones who like really stupid women. Intelligent men call back it's embarrassing for a woman to pose and smile like she's always that chipper. Everybody knows the losers want to strangle the winner, and the Southern Belle who wins Miss Congeniality is dying to tell the judges: "Fuck all, y'all...you ugly summabitches."
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All of them pretend to exist virgins until marriage, and all are do-gooders for the poor:
2nd runner-upwards: "I am a fifth-year inferior at the local higher majoring in pottery. I programme to finish world hunger and find a cure for cancer. And in one case and for all, I intend to put an terminate to the global shortage of flower pots."
First runner-upwardly: "I plan to feed the starving, the homeless, the unemployed, and the destitute. That mode all my relatives tin consume."
Queen bee: "Before I visit poverty-stricken villages in Africa, I'm fixin' to get my toes painted. Invite the printing. I'm wearing my grand-dollar Manolo Blahnik shoes!"
If you've always noticed, beauty pageants are a lot like county fairs. The farmers evidence the cows the same style. They walk their prized Jersey cow across a stage in front of an audition with judges, and maybe the cow even twirls around a couple of times. Then the winning moo-cow gets a satin ribbon draped over information technology, which has the championship and the twelvemonth on it. They even have twelve-calendar month calendars featuring the "cow of the month."
So allow'south endeavor to apply this Barbie-like behavior to a starting time date to come across why information technology goes over like a lead balloon. Picture a woman trying to be that "perfect girl." She walks into the room like she'southward on a catwalk. The handbag matches the shoe push. She giggles on cue. For dinner, she orders two olives with calorie-free dressing (on the side). Without realizing it, this woman has already marked herself: temporary. In his mind? "Deposit and go." He may have sex with her, but from in that location on it's a downhill slide. Why?
When she'south artificial, he becomes wary of who she actually is and what her real motivations are. Unremarkably, he figures she's putting on a evidence to trap him. So it never goes to the side by side level. This is why some relationships never shift into 2nd gear. By trying to be something she's not, the woman automatically gets marked with the "insecure" stamp. "This one will demand constant attention and nothing I give will e'er be plenty. She'll sap me of all my energy." Before he'south spent any time with her, he is mentally on to the next.
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Not only this, but when a human thinks a adult female is weak or insecure, he won't feel the demand to piece of work at the relationship. It becomes "male entertainment" at that point. The human relationship becomes a sideshow. He'll kicking back, crack a beer, and think, "She'south trying so difficult, I'll never have to intermission a sweat in this relationship."
Relationship Principle 4
When a woman is trying too hard, a man will ordinarily test to see how hard she's willing to piece of work for it. He'll start throwing relationship Frisbees, just to see how hard she'll run and how high she'll spring. Men are used to this. And then they try to bait you into this behavior. He may tell you on a second date that he likes red toenail polish. Or that he likes a particular item of article of clothing. If you lot immediately begin to "piece of work" to be what he wants, it lessens his respect.
To better understand, let's take a sneak peek at a page inside the male rulebook. This is the hush-hush highly classified stuff.
A folio from the male person rulebook
The definition of unforgettably sexy: A adult female who can function on her own and take intendance of herself. She won't allow me e'er have the upper manus. And, she tin tell anyone to get leap in the lake whenever she feels like information technology.
That's the woman he'll work harder to be with. Whenever you are also worried nearly someone else'due south blessing, that person loses respect for you. When a man sees you knocking yourself out from the jump start, you are setting yourself up for a lopsided relationship, considering you reinforce every guy's unspoken conventionalities: "If you lot ignore her, she'll seek your validation and reassurance." Approving then becomes his but "contribution." When you need his approval, it blinds you and you chop-chop become the vulnerable one in the relationship. Prefer the philosophy of "approval neither desired nor required."
After all, at that place will always be someone there to tell you that you aren't attractive enough, perfect enough, or that you didn't come from the right side of the tracks. True confidence is born when you lot...
Relationship Principle five
Don't believe what anyone tells y'all about yourself. Sophia Loren said, "Beauty is how you lot feel within, and it reflects in your optics. It is not something physical." This is what makes you gorgeous to a quality man, because at present you get in complete. And that makes him say, "Gee, I wonder, what is that special magic she'south got?"
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How does this bear on long-term relationships? When a man can't scissure your code, or effigy out where your insecurities are, y'all are no longer readable. That'south when he doesn't have a 100 pct concord on you, and he has to put in his 50 percent share to win you over, proceed your interest, and maintain a reciprocal and viable relationship.
Excerpted from "Why Men Marry Bitches: A Woman's Guide to Winning Her Man's Heart," by Sherry Argov. Copyright © 2006 by Sherry Argov. All rights reserved. No role of this book may be used or reproduced without written permission from Simon & Schuster Inc.
Source: https://www.today.com/health/want-man-propose-5-relationship-principles-keep-mind-t74256
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